


class a klutz

by bokeae



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Clumsy!Phil, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Phil just has no dignity lmao, actor!dan, asshole!dan, dan's a fucking bitch, darcy's annoying tbh but cute so it's ok, famous!dan, fond so much fond, humour??? idk, lazy making out idk, ok I'm done bye, paparazzi kinda???, phil's v aplogetic, photographer!phil, second hand embarrassment, sunshine!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8274238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokeae/pseuds/bokeae
Summary: Dan's an asshole who stars in high quality films and Phil's just a clumsy idiot who has bad timing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> here's sum actor!Dan and you'resocutejesuschrusyst!Phil the ending is a bit ugh bc i kinda rushed but tHATS OK JUST DONT BULLY ME
> 
> trigger warning- if you're triggered by second hand embarrassment, be warned???
> 
> also my tumblr is [@bokeae](http://bokeae.tumblr.com/) if u want to talk

 

"So you're telling me," Robin pinched the bridge of his nose, "You tripped over a bump in the red carpet, dropped vanilla ice cream on Dan Howell's suit- which is probably made out of orphan tears or some shit- and you didn't take a photo?"

"I-" Phil scratched the back of his nape awkwardly, "It was a harrowing experience."

"Phil! You're a photographer for Christ's sake!" Robin yelled, "Great, now all the other magazines are gonna have intense photos of Dan Howell smeared in ice cream but ha, not us, not Globe Gazette- who, by the way, made the entire thing happen."

Phil dawdled by the door, not entirely sure what to do.

"You're fired, Phil." Robin said, holding his head up.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Ok, fine." Phil sighed, "Do you want coffee or something?"

"I want a better interviewer."

Phil sighed and went to make him some cheap coffee. He had been fired 13 times this week, it really wasn't a surprise to him at this point.

"What happened?" PJ asked. Phil sighed and the secretary wiggled his eyebrows at him, curiously. "How much did Howell yell?"

"Like, so much, he was this bizarre shade of purple and red and green probably."

"Maybe you were green?" PJ asked, closing Robin's office door so they could gossip.

"I was feeling green, hell, I nearly puked on his shoes- which by the way, is weaved out of fairy dust." Phil shivered, "I could see my refection on his shoes, PJ."

PJ pressed forms and paperwork against his face, to conceal his grin.

"But I want to hear the story from your side, he's ranting about it all over Twitter and stuff."

Phil sat on the desk, covering his face in his hands.

"You want me to relive it?"

"Yes please."

Phil shuddered, the thought of the incident sent shivers up his spine- not in the good way.

His (hand-me-down) suit was perfectly clean. For a week. Phil had it laid down on his bed as he convinced himself that _no, it's not an ugly suit, it's unique._

And he had been practicing his questions in front of his mirror- not that he could concentrate, there were too many smudged fingerprints and he swore Darcy had kissed the bottom half of it with red lipstick.

Phil inhaled sharply.

"Don't be nervous, you're gonna meet famous people! Probably, shit, why me?" And he tried to be excited, he really did but he hated the thought of meeting people who aren't as irrelevant as him. "Darcy? Where are you?"

He looked around the apartment for the four year old and he sighed about eight times because ' _why Louise? why am I babysitting today?'_

He went back to his room, in midst of a panic attack because ' _that child just disappeared?! Louise thinks I'm responsible? Can't even eat cereal without it dribbling everywhere.'_

Darcy was there on his bed. Glitter on her forehead and hair. Glue sticking her fingers together. Glue smeared all over the suit.

"Look Uncle Phil! I glued my hands together!"

"Darcy- what- my suit- Darcy!"

"Wasn't me, was the fairies." She shook her head because she loved the way her hair whipped around. Glitter fell everywhere.

"Jesus fucking Christ."

She repeated the phrase as he called up Louise.

"Your daughter is a demon. My suit is ruined. Tell the tube to go faster and I want to die." He said and hung up.

He looked at his crooked clock and swore because he wasn't ready at all and he wasn't taking this as seriously as he should.

Louise ended up giving him sweet hugs and a melted kit kat bar.

"Fuck." Was the first thing Darcy said when Louise came in. Louise grumbled at Phil who apologised profusely.

Phil decided to wear one of his button ups that didn't look all that bad.

"You got a little stain there." Louise pointed out and Phil cursed coffee and jam.

"Shit, shit- is it noticeable? You noticed it, of course it's noticeable! Shit, shit, shit, are you sure it's a stain, do you have contacts on? Do I? Can this be fixed- it's my only good shirt, do you have a shirt?"

"You're a mess. It's pretty noticeable, you can put a tag on it or something."

"Why would I do that?"

"To cover it up? You're gonna be interviewing loads of stars, right? They won't forget your name because it's gonna be right there, under their nose! Personally, if I was a star-"

"I'll put a flower on it." Phil said, unclipping the fake rose from Louise's hair and he placed it over the stain. "Red and green isn't all that bad, it's um, Christmas is red and green." Phil prayed his outfit didn't clash horrendously.

"You look great." Louise said, trying her best not to cringe.

Phil inhaled shakily and turned to do his hair- of course his roots were beginning to show that night.

"Is it noticeable?"

"I- um, hats are a trend? Patrick Stump wears fedoras."

The only hat Phil had was his floppy sun hat, the colour of corn. It was part of his Halloween costume (he went as a scarecrow).

The only other hat option was his beanie that said 'SWAG' in loud letters (his mum gave it to him because "Swag is a trendy word, right? Justin Timberlake says it all the time, right?")

"You can't wear that, you just- no." Louise gasped.

"I-"

"Phil, it's not that bad, you have, it's like an ombre effect, it's cool."

Phil believed her because he was oh so stressed.

It sunk in when he was nearing red carpet that 'shit, I'm going to meet the cast of The False Prince, holy shit, I'm going to a premiere, holymotherofgod-'

He got some ice cream at the last minute because his brother said it was good for nerves.

"I had vanilla ice cream right before I took my exams." Martyn had said as he played 'Snake' on the old computer (Martyn felt like Grandpa Joe playing the game but he was winning so why should he stop?)

"Um, ok?" Phil raised an eyebrow.

"Good for the nerves, y'know? Calms you down."

"What kind of logic-"

"Shut up, I lost!" Martyn whined and Phil pushed him away because it was his turn now.

So Phil wasted his remaining pennies on vanilla ice cream. He was thirty minutes early anyways, he had time to spare.

Except he didn't because Robin told him the wrong time and he was almost late.

Phil fiddled with his camera, tapping the end with his fingers.

"Um, ok- I-" He couldn't even see the red carpet, people swarmed over him, clicking photos. How was he meant to interview one of the stars? He managed to get to the edge of the border and the security guards glared at him in a 'don't you dare take another step or we will taser you.'

Phil awkwardly held onto his ice cream that was beginning to melt- he was too nervous to finish it (and he might've gotten half of it in the someone's hair, he tried not to move his food around too much).

Phil flashed his pass and they nodded. He snapped some photos and he tried to interview them, he really did.

"What sound would a capybara mixed with a tortoise make- wait what?" He said, looking at his list of questions. Gwendolyn Kills, the heroine of the bloody movie, gave him an odd look and made an odder noise.

He didn't expect an answer, honestly and his eyes threatened to pop out.

He laughed a little, happy he caught that on tape. He wasn't used to being an interviewer, it wasn't his job. He was just a photographer (borderline paparazzi??) who was conveniently there when Globe Gazette's interviewer caught the flu.

He watched stars walk down the carpet. He clicked photos with trembling fingers when Riley Dorame flashed him a grin (maybe she was grinning at the guy behind him but whatever).

The crowd roared furiously when the black limo opened and Dan Howell smoothly walked out.

Phil snapped too many blurry photos and a clear one of Howell giving him an odd look.

He waved and answered questions and he winked when interviewers asked if was in a relationship with Gwendolyn.

By the entrance, they started answering more questions and Phil rushed to catch up.

And really, the whole thing was Phil's fault because he doesn't understand the important concept of shoelaces and he often can't walk in a straight line.

So it was all on him when he tripped over his neon green laces and straight into Dan fucking Howell.

And he should've finished his vanilla ice cream because now it was all over Howell's black suit (that had diamonds on it, Phil swore he could see silver flashes).

"I'm so sorry-"

"Are you kidding me?" And Phil was trying not to die. His voice was low, Phil could actually hear hatred, "Are you fUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

Phil was looking for a sharp object to kill himself with because that would be less painful.

He didn't hear much of Dan's angry speech because he was hyperventilating and thinking 'no this is not happening, I did not just ruin Dan Howell's suit no I didn't trip in front of the whole fucking world, help me Louise.'

He heard snippets of "fucking peasant," and "you look like a fucking gnome who made bad choices," and "you made a horrible choice wearing that outfit and showing up," and "I could sue you."

He had a few security guards take Phil away because "I don't want to see his pitiful existence, oh God, my eyes are actually burning, can he go to jail for, like, blinding me? Hideous."

Phil should've picked a different shirt.

PJ was had stitches running down his sides after Phil told him what happened in explicit detail.

"Only you, Lester." PJ laughed before wiping stray tears. Phil swatted his arm and told him to stop grinning.

"It's not funny! It's all over the news and I don't think I can ever move past this."

"Hey, well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think they'll recognise you." PJ said, "Your outfit was horrid but you have decent fashion sense."

"What? My clothes were so horrible that it works as a disguise? Louise said I looked great!"

"You were on the brink of tears, what was she gonna say? 'You look like death on legs?'"

"I didn't look that bad!" Phil yelled, "Oh my God, did I? How bad was it? Shit, Dan Howell saw me like that, Gwendolyn Kills looked at me like- like that."

"If it makes you feel better, this can be that embarrassing story you tell your children or something."

"Sure, if I don't die cringing first."

________

Fame came along with Phil's ice-cream incident.

Not the good fame that Phil's been longing for.

PJ and Louise tried to buy all the tabloids and magazines from the convenience store, in case Phil saw them.

"What are you two doing?" Phil asked, eyeing the copies of magazines they held.

"Nothing! Aren't you meant to be, dunno, home? Why're you outside-"

"Is that me?" Phil gasped, snatching a magazine from Louise. She dropped the books and lunged at Phil.

"No! No, it's not you at all-"

" _'Paparazzi fail, local klutz ruins Howell's reputation as well as suit!'_ Jesus Christ- his reputation? That's the one thing I didn't touch." Phil grumbled.

"Phil, that's the only thing you've touched. Media are calling him rude and arrogant- for yelling at you." Louise said, "Which is reasonable, I guess, I would yell at you if you smeared ice cream on my expensive suit."

"They're on my side?"

"It's media, they're on no one's side. They're calling you- um." PJ stopped, "So um, anyways, did you sleep well? I had a rather explicit dream about monsters and-"

"What'd they say?" Phil asked, flipping to page 34 to read the article. His eyes recoiled at the unflattering shot of him falling over on top of Dan Howell, limbs turning into green and red blur.

"Class A klutz shoves ice cream on star Daniel Howell and ruins his suit..." Phil reads through it, a dent forming between his eyebrows.

"I mean, at least you're a class A klutz, heh..." PJ tried to make the situation lighter.

"They think I did it on purpose! Did it look like I did it on purpose?!" Phil burst into stressed tears. "I'm just so embarrassed." He wailed through tears.

"Oh honey," Louise moved to hug Phil and PJ sighed because poor Phil.

Phil wiped his nose sloppily and continued reading, "...Doesn't tie shoelaces...idiot boy with ice cream- poor fashion choices, then they ramble about my clothes and then they ramble about my hair and Dan Howell makes a comment-"

"I think that's enough, Phil."

"It's all bleeped out anyways." Phil sighed, "Bleeping bleep bleep clashing colours bleep bleep doesn't bleeping know how to use his bleeping eyes what a bleep bleep-"

"Phil."

"-Bleep, I'm gonna bleeping sue him jesus bleeping christ bleep." Phil gasped, "Oh God, why me? It's all your fault, Louise!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Louise said, hugging him tightly.

"Need someone to blame, sorry, I- I'm gonna go lie down or something."

It only got worse.

There were more newspapers that Louise couldn't buy away from Phil, they talked about it in morning shows, they talked about it in news and those celebrity shows where they gossip about Dan Howell's love affair and Caitlyn Jenner's 'fake' beauty.

Now it was just 'Idiot klutz!' 'Dan Howell hatred against poor people,' and 'Are clashing colours becoming a new trend?'

Dan Howell was furious.

He had a bad name now.

"I mean, yeah, he's a good actor." He heard someone say online.

"Ugh, hate him."

"Why?"

"He's a fucking asshole." The other replied.

And he had never gotten this much hate.

So he went over to the 'idiotic klutz,' to sue him because he surely did that for the fame. No one in their right mind would go to an expensive premiere, in basically rags and ice cream- why was he holding ice cream anyways? Who holds ice cream at a premiere? He definitely had ulterior motives.

He made his way to the Global Gazette building. The receptionist stared at him with her mouth gaping.

"Uh, so the klutz? Is he, like, here or something? I heard he works here." Dan said, pulling his sunglasses up to rest on his hair.

"I- uh, yes, yeah, he does-" She shakily pressed a few buttons on her telephone, missing a few buttons out of sheer nerves, "You have to, uh, check in with his boss, Mr Robin and-" Robin picked up and she quivered out an answer.

"Dan Howell wants to see Phil, Mr Robin." The receptionist said quickly.

"What? Now? Wait, what?"

"He's waiting in the lobby-"

"Yes, don't keep him waiting, holy mother of- ok, can you escort him up or something? Be formal about it."

The receptionist beckoned Dan over, who had started looking around, judging the decor.

"I'll take you there, um, oh God-"

"No, just tell me which floor, I'll figure it out." Dan replied, smoothly- maybe rudely but he was just annoyed with this Phil character.

"I- Level 13, just walk straight to the biggest door. On the floor." She said and he nodded before making his way to the elevator.

"Did I do something in my past life do deserve this? The most aggressive thing I've done in my life is paint my nails an angry shade of red." Phil sighed, reading through the tabloid he had picked up

"Can you stop torturing yourself? Stop reading all that bullshit."

Phil leaned against PJ's desk, face buried in his hands.

"If it makes you feel better-"

"No, nothing will ever make me feel better." Phil said.

"Jesus, enough with the pity party." Dan's voice rang out. Phil whipped around so fast he knocked over PJ's coffee all over his paperwork.

"Fucking hell, Phil!" PJ yelled, trying to salvage the remaining bits. Dan raised an eyebrow.

"Oh my God, Oh, my God, Oh my, God-" Phil emphasised the same phrase in different ways. Dan rolled his eyes and took a step forward.

"Listen, I want to talk about this whole thing." Dan said. Phil nodded, mutely. PJ slapped his arm lightly and his knees nearly buckled at that.

"Yeah, sure, sure, yeah-"

"In private."

"Huh." Phil made a noise, "Have an office, ahem, I have an office but like-"

"You have a cubicle, Phil."

"Right, cubicle."

"Lead the goddamn way."

Phil prayed to all the gods he could think of and a handful of superheroes, in case.

He quietly walked to his little cubicle with Dan following him behind. Phil sat on his desk, to preserve space and he was deathly scared of Dan who looked ready to murder him. Dan scrunched up his face.

"Nope, too tiny."

Which is why Dan kicked out Robin from his own office. Phil was pretty much trembling when Dan clicked the door lock.

"Is this how it's gonna go down? You're gonna kill me and then sue and make a suit out of my remains- which sounds better than being in a room with you NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOUR COMPANY I just- I need my inhaler, I don't even have asthma." Phil leaned against the door, ready to have a heart attack.

Dan's angry glare raked down Phil's frame. He was attractive (as attractive as one gets with sweat running down his temples because fear), his shirts didn't clash and his shoelaces were untied.

"Did you not learn your lesson?" Dan asked, "Fucking shoelaces."

Phil looked down, confused.

"I- um- ok." Phil said, kneeling down to tie his laces. He wanted to get up smoothly, apologise just as smooth until Dan's hanging off his arm because Phil's suddenly so charming. Maybe that last bit was a stretch.

What actually did happen, was the furthest from his little dream.

He tried to stand up, he started apologising a bit too early and he tripped on his own feet. He yelped because Dan was standing closer than he expected and he crashed into him.

Again.

Except he didn't have vanilla ice cream as a memoir.

They crashed down together and maybe Phil started crying because humiliation is his weak spot.

He ended up sat on the floor with Dan awkwardly standing.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do the ice cream thing like seriously I just have immense bad luck and of course that happens again today well kind of I'm a mess I'm sorry and I'm so stressed."

"The fuck? Why are you crying?" Dan asked, not understanding any of that under his wailing and honestly, he wasn't that mad. Phil was just- he didn't know how to explain it. He couldn't get mad at a sobbing man who didn't mean to do anything.

"I just want to live a quiet life with cats and a clear conscious and I hate ice cream and Darcy put glue all over my suit so I couldn't impress the cameras and no, Louise didn't mention how disastrous my outfit was because I was sad and in tears."

"Do you cry a lot?" Dan asked, not entirely sure what to say.

"Particularly this week." Phil answered. "Are you going to sue me?" His voice was so soft and so scared and Dan winced.

"I- um, not today. Stop, um, the tears, stop crying." Dan said, getting up from his crouch. Phil sniffled, wiping his nose with his forearm. "Get up," Phil stood up, waving his arms frantically to steady himself.

Of course he ended up poking Dan's eye.

"I am so sorry!" Phil exclaimed, which assaulted Dan's ears. He cupped Dan's face, to make sure he was ok because that's what he did when he accidentally elbowed Louise's boobs or flicked PJ's nose.

Except Dan wasn't his friend so he flinched away. He flinched away so hard that he nearly tripped over.

"I am so sorry, I am a mistake I-"

"Ok, yeah, yeah- whatever, you're bloody dangerous, I swear to God."

So he slammed the door open to escape but PJ and Robin were pressed against the door, in order to eavesdrop. Dan covered his eye, which was throbbing intensely (it was red and irritated for a week so he couldn't do a photoshoot, fuck you Phil.

"Fire this man, I- he's a danger to society."

________

So maybe Dan didn't sue him.

But he did put in a bad word for Phil.

Phil stared at his TV screen, not believing what Dan Howell was saying.

"So you talked to the elusive-?"

"Not elusive at all, his name's Phil, sorry for interrupting." Dan laughed lightly as the morning show hosts laughed lightly. Phil slurped his coffee, eyebrows bent down in confusion (and rage?). "I talked to him."

"What happened?"

"It was one heck of a story."

"Oh, do tell!"

Dan recounted what happened, except he changed a few things, painting Phil as the villain.

"He gave you a black eye?!" The lady host asked, nearly spilling her tea.

"Yes, it was horrid, couldn't do my photoshoot for, like, a week. My eye was all blotchy."

Phil's mouth gaped open.

"I did not give him a black eye!" He yelled, throwing bits of dry cereal at the screen.

"Global Gazette has no sense of privacy at all, they were all piled up against the door, listening in."

Phil sighed, there went the industry, down the drain.

He turned the TV off because honestly, he was done with it. He apologised, profusely. His phone had been buzzing erratically and he opened up twitter. A handful of Dan Howell's fans had found his twitter (he swears they know how to hack better than the government).

They attacked him viciously and Phil knew Dan was probably sat in his throne as a local peasant holds up a large screen (because he's too privileged to hold his phone), laughing at Phil's downfall.

Dan Howell was quite evil.

Half of them followed Phil anyways, probably to keep up with the drama.

Half of the hate pages followed Phil, assuming Phil was part of them.

Phil spent all night just scrolling through the memes made against Dan (because honestly, they were hilarious).

Phil replied to some of the people, at first he was just apologising and trying to explain the situation in 140 characters.

"I feel like I should do something about it, it's not fair he gets a say in this- it's all wrong anyways." Phil told PJ as they walked to the Global Gazette building. "I didn't give him a black eye- well, not on purpose, he makes it sound like I'd do it on purpose."

"He just hates you." PJ said, "So, he's like dragging you down with him. And Global Gazette, the amount of people reading just dropped." PJ said, "Think you might get fired today."

He did get fired. Nine times.

However, Robin was lucky he waited a week because Phil had an idea.

"Why don't you guys interview me? Like, I want to get my side of the story across anyways, this could help? I'm sorry, I'm just desperate, everyone hates me." Phil sighed.

"No, it's a good idea."

It was because the industry was popular again.

It took about a month but they were back to the top.

That was until a lady from 'Pure' magazines wanted to interview him with actual cameras that would go on TV.

But it wasn't an actual interview, she pretty much attacked him (and Louise).

(Darcy was just having the time of her life being on camera).

Phil spilt his coffee.

"See, Phil's just a very clumsy person." Louise said, over the sound of traffic.

"Uncle Phil fell down the stairs yesterday." Darcy giggled.

"Ok, that's enough, Darcy." Phil sighed.

"But it was funny! He poked his eye this morning when he tried to boop my nose!"

"Really, Phil? How does that even happen?"

"I don't know, I'm just the epitome of clumsy and awkward. Put me in crowded place with famous people and I'm bound to do something embarrassing." Phil said to the camera. "Which I am so sorry about, I did not mean any harm- I am so sorry!" Phil had been gesticulating a bit too hard and he smacked Louise in the face.

Louise began laughing, "Do you see?"

"People have theories that you planned to ruin Dan Howell's suit for popularity. Is that true? Why did you have ice cream?"

"It's a long story."

He tried to recount it in a few words. He ended up standing in the London streets for thirty minutes recounting his tale.

"Dan Howell's been saying you gave him a black eye, tackled him to the ground and yelled at him."

"I didn't do any of that, he's just a massive drama queen." Phil said and Louise glared at him. He covered his mouth, covering his gasp. "I-I mean, shit- I mean, heh, wait-!"

"That's all we have time for, thank you Philip."

"He's- I'm-"

"Well if he didn't hate you before, he will after watching this." Louise remarked.

__________

The interviewer, Rachel, she wanted to cut out Phil's embarrassing story and just air "he's just a massive drama queen!"

"Drama, so much drama, do you realise how attention 'Pure' is going to get?"

"Rachel, no, his story was funny, I don't want to start a fight. Let's just leave it at that." Her boss said.

"But sir-"

"Ok, how about we keep the story and that line?"

"Fine."

Dan Howell was outraged.

"Riley, are you watching? Turn to MTV, it's there- it's all there!"

The confused actress turned the TV on and stroked her cats.

"Calm down Dan-"

"I will NOT calm down! He's a fucking rat, I swear to God! He's out there to get me." Dan screamed into the phone, "Playing his pathetic innocent act, crying all over the place- what the hell! He's a monster-"

Riley listened to the rant, not entirely sure who Dan was talking about.

Riley ate her popcorn and slouched into the sofa.

"Phil! Phil is who I'm talking about, fucking keep up!" Dan growled.

"Ok but he's kinda cute though?" She said calmly, watching Phil explain his side.

"Are you actually shitting me?" Dan said, "Are you actually-"

"He called you a fucking drama queen!" Riley cackled, "Where's the lie? I love him."

"Traitor!"

"That's- Dan, that's karma."

"That is not karma-"

"Yeah, it kinda is." Riley sighed, "You were always a mean kid, growing up. I dunno, you let fame get to your head."

"My suit-"

"Oh boo hoo! You weren't gonna wear it anyways! The guy fucking apologised- what else do you want him to do? He was trembling when you confronted him, wasn't he? You went around bragging about it."

"Who's side are you on?"

"No one's! Just want you to apologise-"

"He should be the one apologising-"

"He already did! On Twitter, in person, in literally all his interviews." Riley rolled her eyes. "Ok, fine, maybe don't apologise, whatever, hold a grudge on him, fine."

"I will."

"Ruin his career while you're at it, dirty up his reputation, talk shit about him, indirectly tweet horrible things about him, make everyone hate him- oh wait, you've got that covered." Riley grumbled, "Didn't do a good job, everyone loves hi-"

"That's not fucking true, anyways."

"Dan-"

"Just saying, did one thing right."

"You're horrible, you know that?"

"Yeah, I've been told."

He threw his phone and stared at his screen. He had been replaying the last bits of the interview because he liked being angry.

Riley's words took a few hours and some alcohol to settle in.

He wriggled in bed, images of Phil's face shrinking into regret flashed in his head. He sighed, Riley's words playing for what seemed like years.

"Shit, of course I'm the bad guy here."

__________

Dan was lingering outside Global Gazette. He kind of wanted to mark a truce between Phil and him but the egotistical side just wanted to step all over him to avenge his suit.

He was talking himself into going in but he just tightened his hoodie and leaned against the side of the building. People walked past, not knowing that they walked past a celebrity.

"...You're a fairy princess all the time, Darcy." Dan heard the familiar voice say. Phil walked around the corner with Darcy walking next to him.

"Yes, Uncle Phil, I know that. That's why I'm going to be a fairy queen for the costume party." Darcy replied.

"Why does the queen have two wings?"

"Double the princess, don't you know that?!" She huffed.

"Phil?" Dan called out from where he was leaning. Phil peered at him curiously, slightly concerned for his life.

"Um?"

"It's Dan." Dan took off the sunglasses that was taking up half his face. He loosened the scarf that was covering most of his mouth.

"Oh I- Jesus, listen, I don't mean half the things I do and I-"

"I'm not here to attack you, I- can we talk? Like, I dunno, somewhere more comfortable?"

"I- yeah, yeah- sorry, I have to drop off Darcy. Her mum's waiting and heh, I'm sorry to inconvenience you-"

"I'll go with you, I guess."

"She's literally right there, I- I can see her pink hair." Phil said, "Or maybe I'm nauseated."

Darcy ran up to Louise and told her a tall, scary man with no mouth was talking to Phil "in a very serious voice, is he a murderer?"

Louise went to check up on Phil who was shade of crimson.

"Alright? Darcy was concerned- Dan Howell-"

"Can we talk? Without interrupting blondes?" Dan asked, a little annoyed. Louise gave Phil a look. Louise and Darcy left and Phil shuffled his footing.

"So what? Are we just gonna stand here? Take me to the nearest cafe or I dunno, somewhere? I already regret coming here." Dan sighed, pushing his sunglasses on.

"Sorry, I- ok, there's a nice coffee shop around here." Phil took him to the cute cafe inconveniently across Starbucks. "I assume you don't want to be in Starbucks, there's a lot of people and um, I dunno, maybe a world-known celebrity shouldn't mingle around the locals?"

Dan sat in the corner of the cafe and Phil sat across him.

"So, um, are you going to threaten me or something? Oh my God, am I going to jail? I don't suit orange." Phil whined, covering his mouth with his hands. Dan cracked a grin.

"No, I- can you please relax? You're making me nervous."

"I'm making you- I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed."

"Yeah, well don't cry."

"Excuse my masculinity." Phil said, "It's not every day a famous celebrity turns against me." Phil rolled his eyes lightly, "I was a little intimidated."

"A little?"

"Ok, maybe a lot. You have a mean resting face." Phil sighed.

"I've been told-"

"You two aren't gonna order?" A waitress asked.

"Oh yes, um, I'll have a caramel macchiato and Dan will have...?"

"Cappuccino, I guess."

"Anything else? Phil?" She asked because Phil was a regular who took all the marshmallows, "Extra marshmallows?"

"Thanks but no."

"Thank you, that's enough." Dan said loudly, making her flinch. She raised an eyebrow and scurried off. "It has been brought to my attention that you might've had no ulterior motive behind putting ice cream all over my suit."

Phil didn't blink.

"Alright?"

"Sorry just, thinking about what kind of ulterior motive there could've been. What would that achieve?"

"Fame? Money? Hot babes?"

"I am so incredibly irrelevant that the cockroaches that roamed around my apartment left. Money? Still broke and ha, jokes on you, I'm quite the homosexual." Phil said, "And wow, props to me for saying all that without stuttering."

"So why did you do all that?"

Phil sighed, "Please believe me when I say that I'm clumsy. I've tripped in my house three times today. I had to refrain from going near you because I don't want to accidentally poke out your ear and Cindy, our waitress, had to take away all the sharp things because control your limbs, Phil, goodness."

Dan sighed, "Ok, whatever, I'm over that, it's been three months."

"Listen, I'm sorry about the suit thing-"

"No, I'm over that."

"Really?"

"Last night, my friend Riley-"

"Riley Dorame?! She looked at me once! Wait, sorry, she looked at the guy behind me but it's ok because it was in my direction."

"She might have called you cute." Dan shrugged, tapping the edge of his cup which had been finish ten minutes ago (he was meant to leave ten minutes ago too but maybe Phil was kind of interesting).

"Oh my God!" Phil was shaking the table with excitement and Dan was glad he was wearing sunglasses because Phil's smile was just so bright. "She's like my favourite actress-"

"I am offended." Dan said but he was trying his best not to grin with him (Dan never understood how smiles could be contagious but one look at Phil and he understood everything). "Then again, I'm a drama queen."

"I'm sorry but I did not give you a black eye." Phil said, "That's like, equivalent to me punching you and honestly, I'm too weak to do something like that. And too nice."

"But you live off accidents and I'm sure you can accidentally blow up an entire city."

"I had a dream about that just last night actually, oh my God, do you think I'm psychic?"

Dan should've left a long time ago but Jesus, Phil was actually funny and sweet and he accidentally dropped sugar all over Dan's hands but Dan just laughed because Phil was kind of cute.

And laughing about it feels better than glowering.

"I'm sorry." Phil said when he nudged Dan's hand as he grabbed his spoon.

"I think we're past apologies. Or, well, you. I owe you an apology, I guess, for being an ass."

"No, it's ok, I would've yelled if someone ruined my suit."

"No you wouldn't. You're too nice. World needs more people like you."

Phil was red now, not the embarrassed, flustered blush he was used to when he was around Dan.

__________

' **@danisnotonfire** is following **@AmazingPhil.** '

 _@dancest_ \- ok wtf what _@danisnotonfire @AmazingPhil_

 _@danisnotonfire_ \- same tbh _@dancest_

 _@i_love_dan_h0well_ \- WHATT!!!!!I THOUGHT YOU HATED PHIL!!!!!!RUINEDYOURSUIT!!!! _@danisnotonfire_

 _@danisnotonfire_ \- i ruined his image so we're even now _@i_love_dan_h0well_

 _@danimagines_ \- i'm so confused @danisnotonfire _@AmazingPhil_

 _@AmazingPhil_ \- you and me both _@danimagines_

Phil spent the night stalking Dan on Twitter a bit.

All the indirect tweets like ' _Phil's such a weedy name never naming my child that -7596t2y/5_ ' and ' _vanilla ice cream is ruined for me now thnks,_ ' were deleted.

All the direct tweets like _'What's so amazing about Phil @AmazingPhil lmao,'_ and _'hideous @AmazingPhil'_ were deleted too.

All his fans were raving about that, ' _he deleted all those hate tweets omg what does this mean?'_ to which Dan replied with _';)))))))))'_

Phil was a little confused but at the same time relieved because they were on good terms.

 _@AmazingPhil_ \- truce? _@danisnotonfire_

 _@danisnotonfire_ \- truce _@AmazingPhil_

__________

"Dan Howell? May I help you?" The receptionist asked, a little bewildered.

"I'm, uh, looking for Phil." Dan said.

"Oh, he went to pick up some coffee for Mr Robin."

"When will he be back?"

"In a few minutes, unless he trips and crashes into a car, heh." She chuckled a little, still assuming Dan hated Phil. "You can take a seat, if you want."

"I'll wait here."

The receptionist made too many jokes about Phil's lack of coordination and hair.

Dan could see Phil approaching the building. They made eye contact and Dan waved a little. Phil waved back, enthusiastically before walking straight into the glass door.

Dan burst out laughing, fairly sure he dribbled everywhere. The receptionist flinched back, assaulted by the loud laugh. Phil clutched his nose and opened the door, blushing red.

"Hi," he said, standing in front of Dan. Dan bit his bottom lip, caught off guard by how blue Phil's eyes were.

"Hi, you, uh, forgot something at the cafe." Dan said, eyes flickering to the receptionist who was staring with moon eyes. She went straight back to her telephone, acting as if she wasn't listening. Dan took Phil away, to a corner where no one was.

"What did I forget? Oh my God, my keys?" Phil smacked his forehead lightly, "What the hell? My keys? How else would I have gotten into my apartment? I'm a little frazzled, pardon me."

Dan smiled.

"Is frazzled a word? Anyways, sorry, what did I forget?"

"My number."

Phil stared up at him, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, his grasp around the coffee loose.

Dan took the coffee before he dropped it.

"Wait, wait-" Phil said the second he got control of his tongue back, "You're telling me, you came all the way to where I work, waited ten minutes for me to give me your number?"

"I-" Dan exhaled, going a slightly pink, "Apparently."

"What if I leak your number? You don't know me."

"I'd like to. Know you, I mean."

"How much do you trust me? This could all be a set up?"

"Relax, it's my assistant's number. Just, I dunno, call and ask for me."

"Oh um, yeah, ok."

Phil gave him his phone and Dan quickly typed in the number and his name.

"The lack of emojis disgust me." Phil sighed.

Dan laughed.

"Phil, Robin's, like, ready to behead you-" PJ said, coming around the corner. He stared at Dan Howell, mouth dropping low. "I- never mind."

"Anyways, I have some actor things to do. Bye, don't leak my number."

Then he left with a skip to his steps.

"Holy shit." PJ said, "Holy- what, holy shit, holy fuck, holy everything, hE GAVE YOU HIS NUMBER?!"

"Yes."

"How are you so calm?!"

"So much emotions, I don't know how to express now excuse me, Robin's coffee is running cold."

__________

_Unknown number- hi haven't leaked your number yet watch your back_

_Dan- thoroughly watching my back_

_Phil- why do you have an assistant_

_Dan- to assist me_

_Phil- with what_

_Dan- getting your number???_

_Phil- what you hired an assistant just for this_

_Dan- no course not_

_Dan- Phil?_

_Dan- you there?_

_Phil- sorry just thinking about what an assistant could do_

_Phil- do they hold your phone when your arm gets tired?_

_Phil- do they like chew your food when your mouth gets tired_

_Dan- no wtf_

_Phil- sorry saw that on a show_

_Dan- what kind of fucked up show do you indulge in what_

_Phil- adventure time'_

_Phil- omigod is your assistant typing this bc your fingers got tired is that a thing_

_Dan- im so tempted to say yes_

_Phil- i feel sorry for your assistant_

_Dan- excuse me_

_Phil- don't sue me_

_Dan- i regret everything_

__________

"I'm so-"

"It's ok, Phil, at this point, just assume everything is ok."

Phil giggled a little and flicked the specks of paint off of him.

"You didn't have to, um, come over to help me repaint." Phil sighed.

"Are you kidding me? You just got promoted! You have an office now! It's a big deal." Dan said. Phil sighed, he's been friends with Dan for four months now.

"I mean- I dunno. I was gonna quit." Phil said.

'Why?"

"I came here to be a photographer, I don't take photos because Robin's got better photographers and I'm not that needed, I guess? I'm like- I'm like a substitute I guess. Someone doesn't want to write an article, I write it for them. And interviewer got sick? I have to do the interview for them-"

"Is that how you ended up shoving ice cream on me?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, I was just conveniently there. But there's no point, the pay's ok, I can't take pictures of pretty things and I just...I dunno." Phil sighed, taking his paint brush.

"If- um, you want, you could be my photographer?" Dan said. Phil tilted his head.

"What?"

"Well, I mean, you'll get to take photos of pretty things." Dan giggled, gesturing to himself, "I'll pay you generously."

"Wait, what?"

"I mean, you don't have to but I'm here and I've always wanted a photographer..."

"I'll- yes, I'd love to!" Phil squealed and flung his arms around Dan to pull him into a hug. He ended up getting yellow paint all over his shirt. "Not again..."

Dan just laughed.

"But thank you, thank you, thank you so much! I'd kiss you but ah!" Phil squealed. Dan's eyes widened at that and honestly he considered it for a moment.

"But what do I do with the promotion? I feel so guilty now! Holy-"

It took Phil a week to resign.

"Phil, you're fired, how could you forget?" Robin asked, tutting, "I gave you that promotion for what?"

"The only reason you gave me that promotion is because I got us all that fame and I'm chummy with Dan." Phil sighed.

"right, get me some coffee."

'Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Well, I'm fired."

"Phil, stop kidding around."

"No, but maybe I want to be fired." Phil said suddenly.

"What?"

"I quit, I'm sorry I just, no more." Phil said suddenly. He left before Robin could say anything.

He called Dan, his assistant picked up because, well, it was her phone.

"Hey Selene, it's Phil."

"Hey Phil." Her voice was fairly sultry.

"Um, is Dan there?"

"Yeah, I'll patch you through."

"Hey Phil." Dan answered,

"Dan, I- uh, I did it."

"You finally tried cheese? What?"

"I quit my job."

"That's great! Ok, tomorrow I want you to go to- hell, I'll drive you. I'll text you the address."

"What the hell, Dan."

"Your first photoshoot! As a photographer. With me."

"Oh!" Phil grinned, "That sounds great, thank you."

"No problem."

Dan fired his photographer, he had to make room for Phil.

__________

Everything was so professional and Phil felt very out of place in his plaid shirt and skinny jeans that he had bought from Target.

Dan’s makeup artist sneered at him at first, making a comment about his eyebrows and Dan gave her a death glare and she flinched.

“So, like, what? Showing ‘klutz’ around or?” She asked after Dan let Phil walk about.

“He has a bloody name and no, he’s my photographer now.”

“You fired Jerry?”

“Yeah.”

“Well is he any good?” She asked and he hesitated.

“I mean, probably.”

“Probably? What do you mean probably?”

“Ok, I haven’t actually seen his stuff-“

“You just hired him? Like that? It took me three months to be hired properly.”

“Yet it can take you a second to get fired.”

She stayed quiet.

Phil came back in a few minutes, grinning.

“This place is huge! Wow! I bumped into the- into Harry and he was just glaring at my clothes which was fine because I’m glaring at my clothes- why didn’t you tell me to wear something with more- with more pizazz?”

“What the fuck is pizazz?"

“Funk, I dunno.” Phil shrugged. "Is plaid looked down upon? because i got so many glares.”

“I guess, I wouldn’t wear plaid. Unless it’s like, Givenchy or something.”

“Pretend this is Givenchy, I want to feel pretentious.”

“Are you calling me pretentious?”

“Very.” Phil grinned, tongue poking out from between his teeth.

“Stop smiling so damn hard, you wanna look like a clown or what?” Dan’s make up artist snapped and Dan blushed and turned his lips down into a scowl. “Don’t scowl either.”

“Chin up, sunshine- also, does the water here cost money?” Phil asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh, because I took one without paying by accident and-“

“jesus Christ, Phil, I’ll pay don’t worry.”

And after Dan had his outfit picked out, he stood in front of the lights.

“I like the gloves, they look so cool!” Phil said, momentarily distracted by the fingerless leaver gloves that had a lot of netting.

“Thanks, ok so what do you want me to do?”

And Phil took a lot of photos from a lot of angles and Dan loved his little instructions.

“Ok, ok, pretend you struck a match and the fire is all dancing and it smells nice and you’re all hypnotised for a second.”

Dan laughed before pulling a face of absolute awe and Phil took nine pictures.

“Ok, um, you know how you eat my brownies? And you throw your head back-“

“You want my orgasm face?” Dan asked.

“That’s your orgasm face?” Phil asked, blushing behind his camera, “Oh, Jesus, sign me the frick up.”

And Phil was very open about his attraction to Dan. But he was also subtle about it.

“Brown eyes are pretty! Or maybe I’m biased.”

“This guy was just ranting about how hot you are and I’m just ‘same.’”

“What do you mean ‘why are you staring at me?’ you’re a beautiful creature.”

And Dan would blush because things like this meant something because Phil was saying it. Maybe he prioritised Phil’s opinions more than anyone else.

“What do I do with the photos?” Phil asked.

“I like to look through them.”

“What? You collect your own pictures? I thought you- I dunno!” Phil said.

“I’m quite vain.” Dan said.

And maybe Phil wasn’t as good as his ex photographer, and Dan could see why Robin never gave Phil a job as a photographer but Phil was staring up at him with eyes so pretty.

And it was honestly Dan’s weak spot.

“Amazing, I love it.” Dan congratulated and he watched Phil’s eyes crinkle into absolute joy.

His smile added some light into the room and it was absolutely contagious.

“Really?!”

“Yeah, beautiful.”

“Aww! Thank you so much!” Phil said through his grin. He squealed a little. “Dan Howell likes my photos!”

And Dan left it at that.

He honestly posed every Thursday afternoon for Phil’s bubbly company and grins.

Floyd, his makeup artist, warmed up to him- she tried to hate him because why was the guy so happy and fucking hell, how many times has Phil spilt the powder? But Phil was such a pure being.

Floyd set up a seat for Phil when she did Dan’s makeup because Phil was always chatting.

“I- your birthday’s soon right?” Dan asked.

“Yup! I’m so excited!” Phil grinned. Floyd made a comment about how Dan never remembered her birthday. Phil frowned and nudged Dan’s foot.

“Be nice to Floyd, she could probably set a poisonous foundation on your face that burns your nerves.” Phil said, tutting.

And Dan rolled his eyes but he was a tad bit kinder to Floyd.

Floyd stared at Phil every time he came because this man had strange control over Dan?

“I angered a dog today.” Phil said.

“You didn’t have to come today, it’s your birthday.” Dan said.

“It’s alright, I was having a bad day anyways, maybe this could cheer me up.” Phil sighed and Dan frowned immediately (he was scolded by Floyd because ‘you’re making creases, stop').

“Why are you having a bad day?” Dan asked.

“I- well, a dog chased me up here but it wasn’t a cute dog, it was a big angry one. And my mum forgot it was my birthday and Darcy tried to cheer me up by putting glitter on my shirts and now all my clothes are ruined. Glitter is so hard to get out, ugh.” Phil sighed.

“And my brother gave me a melted kit-kat because he forgot too- the second child is the most forgotten! If you go to my parent’s place, there are no photos of me.” Phil pointed out.

“And PJ had extra work to do so he couldn’t visit me and ugh, I don’t want to bother Louise because she’s stressed.” Phil groaned, “And my radio broke, so that’s a great sign.”

Floyd had to stop putting on make up because Dan was frowning too hard.

“I- um, I have a present for you, if that, like, makes you feel better.” Dan said.

“Really?” Phil wasn’t paying that much attention.

“Uh, Floyd, you can, uh, pack up and stuff. Go home early.” Dan said and Floyd raised an eyebrow.

Dan presented Phil with a polaroid camera- the same one Phil’s always wanted.

“Oh my God!” Phil yelled, getting up a bit too fast- the chair toppled over and so did Dan because he was tackled into a hug.

Floyd took the camera from Dan’s hands and placed it on the table, before it fell and broke. Dan placed his free hands between Phil’s shoulder blades and ugh, he hated hugs but Phil’s scent was intoxicating and Phil’s arms were strong.

Dan pressed his cold nose against Phil’s neck and Floyd gave him a strange look and his eyes widened because no, he definitely was not sniffing Phil, he wasn’t weird what the hell, Floyd?

“Thank you so much, God I feel so bad not getting you anything.” Phil said, letting go and Dan was a little disappointed.

“Get me something? It’s your birthday.” Dan said.

“Yeah but you got me this cool job and cool camera- and it’s blue!”

“I remember it’s your favourite- uh, colour.” Dan said.

“Thank you so much! How thoughtful!” Phil giggled. They left the building together and Dan shielded his face from the paparazzi lurking about.

Phil took Dan to his small homely apartment which he called ‘Dan’s secret hideout.’

The first picture Phil took was of Dan when he was staring at Phil fondly.

“I wasn’t ready.”

“Who’s ever ready?” Phil asked. “It turned out nice!”

He made Dan sign his name and he stuck on the wall his desk was facing.

“I go in the middle.” Dan said, “So every time you’re in the bedroom, you see me first.”

Phil rolled his eyes and placed it in the middle.

“Happy?”

“Yeah.”

And they stayed in Phil’s bed, just staring at the ceiling.

“I have Dan Howell in my bed.” Phil laughed.

“Stop talking about me like I’m so- so not normal.” Dan said, hauling himself up on his elbow. He stared down at Phil.

“What?”

“You talk about me like I’m- I’m so special.” Dan said.

“You are special.” Phil replied.

Dan blushed a lot and maybe Phil noticed because he pressed his finger in Dan’s dimple.

“Special is a funny word.” Phil continued and Dan laughed.

“I can’t believe Phil Lester is next to me.” Dan said.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re special too.”

_________

 _@AmazingPhil_ \- _@danisnotonfire_ GOT ME THIS POLAROID CAMERA ON MY BIRTHDYAGDHHSBBD HERE ARE SOME EXCLUSIVE DAN PICTURES

 _@dantheman_ \- KFNEJVRHFRHBRRILOVETHIS _@AmazingPhil @danisnotonfire_

 _@aesthetichowell_ \- what the fuck this is so cute i l o v e _@AmazingPhil_

 _@johnny_howell_ \- are these two dating what kind of domestic shit _@AmazingPhil @danisnotonfire_

 _@danisnotonfire_ \- it's _@AmazingPhil_ ’s birthday send him sum love!!!!

 _@daniella_ \- I LOVE YOU!!!! _@AmazingPhil_

 _@lol_gay_ \- Dan loves you _@AmazingPhil_

 _@rollandb_ \- Super sick! I reslly like this tweet. Go get more likes and followers at www.smfollowers.com ! _@danisnotonfire_

_________

“Vanilla ice cream is for good luck?” Dan asked and Phil nodded, licking off the vanilla that was dripping down his cone.

“It’s cold.” Dan said.

“Ice cream’s a chilly treat, I’ve noticed.”

“No you fucking spork, I mean the weather.” Dan said looking up. “Looks like it’s gonna rain.”

“Ok, finish your ice cream faster.”

“You have it, it’s freezing, why are we eating ice cream in the first place?”

“Good luck.”

“You didn’t have much luck in the red carpet.” Dan said.

“Well, I didn’t finish my ice cream and I did because I’m having ice cream with Dan Howell a few months later.” Phil said.

“True.”

“Why are you still here?” Phil asked, looking over the bridge they were at. He stared at the water overlapping with each other.

“What do you mean?”

“Like with me.” Phil said.

“I dunno, I like your company?”

“Ok.”

“What about me? Why are you still here?” Dan asked.

“You’re famous.” Phil grinned. Dan’s face dulled a little.

“Really?”

“No you doofus. I like your company too.” Phil said, “Also, i don’t have much of a choice, you literally stalk me.”

“What.”

“You came to my work place to give me your number, you stay in my apartment all the time, you asked me t-“

“Ok, but like, if I didn’t stalk you- would you, like-“

“I’d still hang around you.” Phil said, “You’re nice. Which is weird because the security guard is always saying how you’re so rude and mean and up himself. And pretentious.” Phil said.

“Yeah, well, if you haven’t figured it out, I’m only nice to you.”

“Oh.”

__________

“Bite your lip.” Phil ordered and he clicked at his camera. He’d been getting better, at photography.

Or he’s getting better at taking photos of Dan.

“Like this?” Dan asked, trapping his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Yeah.” And Phil was in a mood today. “Sorry, I took a steamy shower today, I’m bit- steamy.”

“What?” Dan asked.

“I dunno, just feeling flirty today.” Phil said.

“Oh?” Dan quirked up an eyebrow. “This should be interesting.”

“Stop talking and like- do we have props?”

“It’s your apartment.” Dan rolled his eyes. Phil thought it’d be a good idea to take it to his place.

“More homely.” He had said.

Dan rested his body weight on his arms on the bed, light from the blinds streaming to the side of his face- light illuminating the dust flying about but it looked perfect.

Phil took eight hundred photos of that.

“It’s like, better when you don’t pose.” Phil said, tossing the camera on his bed and climbing on. “Your features are all relaxed and soft.”

“Funny, people say they like my intense look.”

Phil sunk into his pillows as Dan fiddled with his cameras. He took a photo of Phil who’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Hey!” He yelped, jumping on Dan who laughed. Phil playfully pinned Dan’s shoulders down to the bed and they were both giggling to themselves.

“You stare a lot.” Phil said suddenly.

“Was I staring?”

“You always stare.”

“Huh.”

“What do you think about? When you stare at me?” Phil asked, casually relaxing on top of Dan. Dan laughed, his chest rumbling against Phil.

“Your eyes are creepy.” Dan said, “and God, could he get any paler?”

Phil nudged Dan’s jaw with his nose, laughing.

“But your eyes are still nice, y’know? Lotta colours, pretty, calm colours.” Dan continued, “And your skin kinda just- it’s just nice and sometimes, when I look at you, I just wonder if it’s soft.”

“You can touch and find out.” Phil said. “I’m always poking your dimples.”

“Yeah but like, it’s not a simple touch, like I just- time, I wanna take my time.”

“In feeling my face?”

“Yeah.”

“We have time now.” Phil suggested and Dan looked at him. His thumb swiped against his cheekbone, softly going down the shape of his face, to his chin. And Phil watched Dan concentrate so intensely.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the soft flicks.

“It’s like a calm face massage-“

“Shh.” Dan said and the atmosphere felt lazy.

And they were close together and they were too lazy to get flustered or move away. And Dan’s feet hooked themselves around Phil’s ankles and Phil was making soft, lazy sighs.

The sunlight hit them in stripes and Dan’s eyes were half the colour of embers and half the colour of molten ash.

Phil didn’t even react when Dan’s thumb brushed against his bottom lip or trailed up the bridge of his nose.

He opened his eyes a little when Dan tugged at his bottom lip, calmly pulling him down closer.

And he closed them when Dan’s fingers were replaced with his lips and Phil melted into the kiss.

And it wasn’t passionate, the kiss, it wasn’t full of lust or love. It wasn’t shy, slightly fond but just purely lazy and slow.

Phil’s tongue swiped against Dan’s bottom lip softly and Dan made softer noise as he opened his mouth. Phil’s feet rode up, rubbing against Dan’s leg. Phil rested his forehead against Dan’s, listening to their breathing.

He hummed when Dan connected their lips again and they made out, lazily.

And Dan didn’t wanted to create friction between them, he didn’t want to do anything more and neither did Phil.

Their lips were numb by the end and sucked red. Phil giggled softly and rested his head against the crook of Dan’s neck.

Dan hummed in content.

__________

It was like a third degree burn for Phil. He didn’t even notice it at first but right after Dan left, his brain set into hyperdrive and he felt electrocuted.

And maybe Dan’s kiss burnt all his nerves, maybe his kiss melted his brain just as he melted into the kiss.

Phil was crying and he called up PJ who started squealing and he was probably crying.

“I don’t know what’s happening.” Phil cried.

“Dan Howell likes you, you idiot!” PJ snapped, pushing him over the bed. “And why are you crying?”

“I’m so overwhelmed! In a good way, it’s like happy tears but more enthusiastic,” Phil explained.

“What did he do? Or did you start? What happened, tell me in explicit detail.”

Phil recounted everything and PJ’s eyes nearly bulged out.

“Jesus fuck, amazing.”

Phil was a shaking mess for a few more minutes because what the hell just happened? He was in denial and maybe it was better that way.

Because the mere idea of Dan liking Phil was too extreme, he didn’t want to believe it.

__________

“What do you mean I didn’t kiss you?” Dan asked, closing Phil’s door behind him.

“You didn’t kiss me.” Phil said, “I don’t remember.”

“What the fuck, we made out for like, an hour or something.”

“Dream, it was all a dream. Tea?”

“It was not a fucking dream-“ Dan lunged at him, fingers weaving through Phil’s hair and digging forward, to pull him into the rough kiss.

It was burning, everything was burning and Phil didn’t feel anything. Just soft lips on his, trying to prove a point.

And Dan backed him into the couch and pushed him on. He straddled Phil, moaning lightly.

“Still a dream?” Dan asked between airy breaths and kisses.

“Yeah, gonna wake up any second.” Phil sighed, equally breathless. Dan swiped his tongue against Phil’s neck, sucking some proof. Phil arched his neck, unconsciously.

“I-I have loads of dreams like this.” Phil said.

“Yeah? You have sexy dreams about me?” Dan asked, unbutton Phil’s shirt a bit.

“Maybe.”

“Wanna make those dreams a reality?”

Phil’s snapped open because yeah ok, maybe this was actually happening but no. Not now.

“Nonono, oh my God, I’m so- I-“ Phil stuttered.

“What’s wrong?”

“Not now, please, I-“

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. We won’t do anything now.” Dan said, buttoning up Phil’s shirt. He rested his forehead on Phil’s, looking at the shadow his eyelashes left on his pale skin.

“I’m just overwhelmed.” Phil said.

“Why?”

“Because you’re Dan Howell. And you kissed me, twice I think. I dunno what it means.”

“it means I like you.”

“You do?” Their voices lowered to soft whispers. Dan hummed a yes. “Why?”

“Because you’re Phil.” Dan asked.

“I’m sorry, just- Dan Howell-“

“Please don’t. Don’t- I don’t want to be ‘Dan Howell’ around you. I just, I wanna be Dan, an idiot who sticks petri dishes to his face, not- not Dan Howell, a superstar who stars in amazing movies.”

Phil hummed and pressed a shy kiss on Dan’s lips.

“I’m still overwhelmed, regardless if you’re Dan or Dan Howell.” Phil said.

“Yeah, me too.” Dan said, melting into Phil once again.

__________

And it took Phil a while to learn how to calm down when Dan kissed him- not because he was a superstar but he was Dan and why was Dan kissing him.

He asked Dan that a lot, “Why me?”

“Because you’re Phil.”

And Phil was used to, ‘because you’re Phil,’ being a bad thing. It was used in a poor sense.

Whenever he’d break something, it was no question to who did it- “of course it’s Phil, such a Phil thing to do.” And it was bad.

Like being Phil was a bad thing.

And Dan said things like that like it was such an amazing thing.

So Phil stopped looking at himself like he was meant to be frowned upon.

__________

“Do you ever have _‘Oh my God! Dan Howell’s making out with me_ ’ moments?” Riley asked.

“Not anymore.” Phil said, “He’s not Dan Howell to me. Anymore. Just- I dunno, like- he’s the guy who throws stuff at me when we play monopoly.”

“I do.” Dan said, “I have moments like that.”

“What.”

“‘I cannot believe Phil Lester is chilling out with me.’” Dan said, “‘Holy crap, I get to play with your hair, I feel so privileged.’”

And Phil muttered a soft ‘shut up’ but he was blushing so much.

__________

“I’m so…fond of you.”

“Ditto.”

“You’re so romantic.”

“That’s why you’re so fond of me.”

__________

Riley had been replaying the one scene from ‘Touch in the Promise,’- which was a rom-com Dan Howell’s recently starred in.

The story line was shit, so was the setting- Riley swore the only reason anyone watched it was because of the five seconds Phil was in it.

Phil wasn’t meant to be in it, hell, he couldn’t even act but Dan was begging and he had money and Phil’s smile was so bright.

Phil was a flamboyant bartender who hits on Dan- the scene was only there for comic relief. Phil didn’t like it that much.

“I feel like they’re saying being gay is funny and haha, look at the gay bartender hitting on the straight hero, if only he knew.” Phil had said and Dan kissed him.

“I love it when you rant.”

Phil blushed, looking down.

It was the easiest scene, Phil had one word to say.

He leaned across the counter, purring seductively as he gave Dan his drink.

“Hey.” He winked with a ‘cheeky’ grin.

Except it took 13 takes because Dan kept lunging up to kiss him. The director yelled at him and Phil giggled.

“Stop it, do your line.” Phil said.

“I’ll do you instead.” Dan said, tongue poking out and Phil raised an eyebrow. “Oh don’t raise an eyebrow like that, you’re making it very hard for me-“

“Keep it in your pants, Howell.”

“I’ll keep it in your pants.” He retorted and Phil laughed because ‘what the hell?’

Dan said his line and it was funny. Phil did what he was meant to do and that was it.

Dan wouldn’t really move onto the next scene because Phil looked hot with his sleeves rolled up and hair swept up into a quiff.

And it wasn’t his fault he kept getting distracted.

Phil broke half the glasses in the end and Juli Violets struggled to separate them two apart.

Riley replayed the scene three more times before Gwendolyn took the remote from her.

“What? It’s cute!” Riley said, stuffing her face with popcorn.

“Whatever, where are they? They went to the kitchen to get the wine, didn’t they?” Gwen asked.

“Sure, getting the wine.” Riley wiggled her eyebrows. And Gwen’s mouth formed an ‘O.’

Meanwhile, Dan was helping Phil in getting the wine stains off the white rug that was more expensive than Phil’s existence.


End file.
